Runner-up Michael Breiburg did a few things really well in his submission over the weekend. The first was to give Prefect Patrick Duvane, head of the Hollywood-based quasi-religion The Order, an architectural model of L.A., which he keeps in a glass case in his office overlooking the city. The model includes an as-yet unbuilt Hollywood-to-Santa Monica freeway.
With this one simple, striking visual, he captures Duvane’s vision of the city’s future, and puts it in stark contrast to Mayor Napolitano’s.
Mike, who contributed the pages introducing the idea of The Order to our script a couple of weeks ago, also brings the mayor into Duvane’s office, where they meet over the mini-L.A.-under-glass. Napolitano has come to join Duvane’s cult as a way of working to bring them down from the inside.
If Duvane harbors any serious doubts about Napolitano’s motives, they’re clouded over by his immediate reaction: “I really think we can help you,” the prefect says. “First of all, let's get the matter of your contribution out of the way.”
That nice bit of dialog makes the whole setup plausible.
Finally, Mike’s submission shows us Napolitano on the phone, stuck in traffic, ordering an aide to move $200,000 from a political slush fund into a more accessible account, while defending his decision to join the murderous cult undercover.
“I'm taking the case, Henny... as mayor. I'm taking the case,” he says. “I am not going to let The Order get the drop on my city. Not on my watch.”
With this, the battle lines are clearly set for Act Two.
It was tough to pass on Mike’s submission, but at the last minute, I decided to go with something else. I’ll post the new pages tonight, and explain my decision here tomorrow.
