What if?

What if Celeste asks Mayor Napolitano to stop and pick up some cigarettes on their way home, and when he returns to the car, she and the money from the mayor’s manila envelope are gone? That’s where Jennifer Murray of Okemos, Michigan would have left our story -- with Napolitano frantically gathering his thoughts in the car, an airline ticket and a key from the envelope in his lap, and his cell phone ringing.

It’s an intriguing scene, but after three weeks of piling mysteries upon conundrums, I felt it was time to start making sense of things in our story before introducing new questions out of the blue.

Dianna Brown from Kokomo, Indiana, a runner-up in our project’s first week of submissions, tries again with a scene in which Napolitano has been asked to bring Celeste to the tunnel where he had previously retrieved the envelope, and once there, discovers Larry’s dead body waiting for them. And what if, in the midst of their horror and confusion, the cops arrive?

A nice cliff-hanger, but I had a real problem buying the premise that the mayor and his movie star friend would realistically be in a situation like this based only on a request from an anonymous phone caller. And again, more questions, no answers.

Another writer, heeding my call for clarity, attempted to tie up some of the story’s loose ends in a scene that was enlightening but static and talky. I appreciate the thought that went into this correspondent’s honest attempt, but a good screenplay shows, not tells.

I knew last week’s assignment would be a tough one, requiring foresight, advanced narrative skills and a good ear for direction and dialog. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ll be cobbling together the next pages based on the contributions of two writers who rose to the challenge in different ways.

Don’t worry; I think it will get a little easier this week.

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2:07 PM Sat | The funeral for Mark Lacter will be held Sunday, Nov. 24 at 12 noon at Hillside Memorial Park, 6001 W. Centinela Avenue, Los Angeles 90045. Reception to follow.
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