I have just been informed by a source I shall call Deep Ears why President Obama seems to be dragging his feet over whether or not to missile-spank Syria's Assad for chemical gassing his people.
He was waiting to confer with a vital connection in private. Vladimir Putkin? Nope. Pope Francis? Hardly. One of the Kardashians? Ha! None of the above. He was waiting for George Clooney to clear his schedule.
That finally accomplished (Clooney told his latest squeeze, as they say, to get dressed and meet him later at the yacht), the actor finally cleared 28 minutes for the Prez and was said to have marred his boyish good looks by frowning twice during the discussion as indications of his concern over a possible nuclear war, requiring new makeup before the talks could continue.
Obama's journey to L.A. was made in secret last week before next Monday's official trip when he was to come west to address an AFL-CIO convention. That was cancelled but Deep Ears says he snuck into L.A. for the celebrity meetings anyhow. They explained his brief absence in D.C. by saying he was in the White House gym shooting baskets with his new best friend John Boehner and could not be disturbed.
Clooney is among the leaders of POTUS's Hollywood connection, Deep Ears said, with whom he confers prior to making decisions important enough to alter movie careers and intrude on the summer blockbusters. Whatever happens elsewhere, business is business in Hollywood.
It is no secret, for instance, that Obama has already met with Angelina Jolie, our Secretary of State for Ragged but Appealing Children, on a plan to adopt all Syrians under six to eliminate any harm to them during a possible U.S. attack. Jolie thought the idea pretty cool, though worrying if there were enough nannies in America to handle the sudden overload. Au pairs from Sweden and other blonde countries were mentioned but no one wanted to offend the Mexicans, so they continue to be the main choice.
A member of the President's staff suggested he talk to some of the younger Hollywood players for their input on the Syria question. Miley Cyrus , a Mouseketeer gone dirty, would have been among them but for the almost-naked, sexually-suggestive dance she performed earlier at the Video Music Awards, her behind whipping in one direction and her tongue in the other, displaying incredibly good balance but not good sense. They were afraid she would start twerking (bumping and grinding) during a formal orchestral rendition of "Hail to the Chief," thus undermining importance of the trip, so she was dropped..
Just before Obama had asked about one more knowledgeable contact who epitomized the show biz attitude and composure, she appeared, leaping from a Sunset Blvd. billboard, all boobs and baby kisses, nailing POTUS with a suggestive wink. It was a nice opening all right for Hollywood's favorite living caricature, but she lost her usefulness when she kept referring to the problems in "Serial."
So hop back on the billboards, Angelyne, and study up on the Middle East (Delaware? No, not that Middle East) and we'll catch you on the next trip. Baby kisses 'til we meet again.