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— Lindsay Lohan, on posing nude as Marilyn Monroe for New York Magazine
"What we need is Britney Spears to stay home."
— LAPD Chief William Bratton, venting at "airhead" celebrities
"Now and for the foreseeable future, virtually everything involving Britney is a big deal."
— Memo to AP bureau in Los Angeles
"What I find fascinating is the fact that YOU people actually click on this story and then castrate me for writing about her."
— LAT Image staffer Monica Corcoran, to readers zinging her for piece on Paris Hilton
"We're talking multiple identities, cash payments to former supermodels for 'consulting' and all sorts of other general shadiness not seen since the halcyon days of Enron. Trust us, it's GOLD."
— Defamer on allegations against Hollywood payroll firm Axium
“If the Dodgers win, Los Angeles gets Chicago’s 2016 Olympic bid. If the Cubs win, Chicago can take back Sam Zell.”
— Mayor Villaraigosa's offer of a playoff bet with Chicago's mayor
"We took your water and we turned this once beautiful valley into a desert, and our own city into an oasis."
— Mayor Villaraigosa in Owens Valley
"I assure you that by the time our delegation returns, we will be able to protect Los Angeles from Palestinian rocket attacks."
— Downtown News skewering Mayor Villaraigosa's trip to Israel
"Carne asada is not a crime."
— Attorney for taco truck operators
"If only Jonathan focused on sustainable seafood for a year, imagine the positive impact he’d have on local restaurants and the dietary choices of the food obsessed."
— Heal the Bay chief Mark Gold, on his brother the food critic
"Food is so important. Like tonight — wouldn't it have been nice to have great food tonight?”
— Carl Reiner at Century City banquet
"We are interested in having a slave auction on a weekend night, with the winning masters being able to spend the rest of the night and the entire next day with their newly purchased slaves."
— Craigslist ad
"She wears these insane outfits, struts around Staples Center like a queen, shows off her daughters and lets them run around the hall way playing tag while reporters are trying to get by."
— ESPN Lakers reporter Laura Lane, ragging on Vanessa (Mrs. Kobe) Bryant
"Maybe they will think twice before shoving a camera in your face."
— Malibu mayor Pamela Conley Ulich on proposed anti-paparazzi law
"I would not have missed this day for all the tea in China."
— Vin Scully at day honoring John Wooden
"You have elected to stay in a hotel near the Science museum, a soulless area of the city that you will not want to explore on foot unless well armed!"
— UCLA Medical School doctor to colleague staying near USC
"If you think congested freeways are punishment for the city's sins, you've not ridden the 720 Rapid line on Wilshire Boulevard."
— D.J. Waldie on riding the bus
"A manager at Gelson’s told my wife that there’s some problem at the Manischewitz factory that’s had a ripple effect throughout the area. This is anecdotal, of course, but my wife has called Ralph’s and Vons and heard the same story. "
— LAO reader on matzoh shortage