Nothing said about coat hangers

Those instructions on how aides are supposed to "staff" Mayor Villaraigosa are still being passed around. The demand for unlimited Listerine breath strips and room temperature water, as reported by Duke Helfand in the LAT, seems destined to be part of Antonio profiles for a long while. So might the mention that the mayor ordered specially made foie gras at a downtown restaurant. An LA Observed reader around City Hall emails:

In 2004 Governor Schwarzenegger passed a bill that bans foie gras because it is animal abuse. They force feed duck and geese until thier livers are grossly and painfully enlarged. Some die from the force feeding and some just plain burst. I can't believe Antonio is sitting there with a reporter asking the chef to make his foie gras special. Antonio rode the animal and environment ticket to get elected and he commits a major faux pas like this?

Still, the Villaraigosa memo is nothing compared to the infamous directions for handling Hollywood legend Joan Crawford on the road when she was on the Pepsi-Cola board of directors. Excerpts:

The following items are to be in the suite prior to Joan Crawford's arrival:

i) Cracked ice in buckets -- several buckets
ii) Lunch and dinner menus
iii) Pen and pencils and pads of paper
iv) Professional-size hair dryer
v) Steam iron and board
vi) One carton of King Sano cigarettes
vii) One bowl of peppermint Life Savers
viii) Red and yellow roses
ix) Case of Pepsi-Cola, ginger ale, soda

There is to be a maid on hand in the suite when Miss Crawford arrives at the hotel. She is to stand by until Miss Crawford dismisses her.

The following liquor is to be in the suite when Miss Crawford arrives:

i) Two-fifths of 100-proof Smirnoff vodka. Note: this is not 80 proof and it is only Smirnoff
ii) One fifth Old Forester bourbon
iii) One fifth Chibas Regal Scotch
iv) One fifth Beefeater gin
v) Two bottles Moet & Chandon champagne (Type: Don Perignon).

[skip]

Miss Crawford will not go to any radio, television studios or newspaper offices. Don't suggests it, don't request it....

Miss Crawford will be met in an air-conditioned, chauffeur-driven, newly cleaned Cadillac limousine. Instruct your chauffeurs that they are not to smoke and that may not at any time drive in excess of 40 miles an hour with Miss Crawford in the car.

Miss Crawford will be carrying a minimum of 15 pieces of luggage...Every precaution should be taken to assure that none of the luggage is misplaced. Fifteen pieces is the estimated minimum. There may be considerably more and it will be possible for confusion to result.

In case someone didn't get it, the instructions let it be known that "Miss Crawford is a star in every sense of the word; and everyone knows she is a star. Miss Crawford will not appreciate your throwing away money on empty gestures. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE EMPTY GESTURES TO PROVE TO MISS CRAWFORD OR ANYONE ELSE THAT SHE IS A STAR OF THE FIRST MAGNITUDE."

Photo: joancrawfordbest.com